Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
So... he formspringed me a link to every nude pic ive taken since he 8th grade. ive evolved nicely. but im nervous as to how this a website.
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
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