Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
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