Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
Randomize
