trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
so, what part of "he's slept with a guy" do you not understand?
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
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