on a scale of one to ten, how awkward would it i told him i had to go change my tampon and then left?
11
mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
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