why am i having a flashback about somewhere we were this weekend with music videos playing? Spike jonze brothers place?? Help me out
my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
This is awkward. You have a four minute voicemail from me. I would delete it. I accidently hit your number on speed dial and called you while I was vomiting a mai tai.
puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
We all need desperate help. Maybe we should just become a group of people who walk around town and shit in peoples air vents
I'm down.
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
Randomize
