you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
Randomize
