Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
Never underestimate the power of titties
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