im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
Randomize
