the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
Remember that sex scene from American Psycho?
Ya, why?
We should try that some time.
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
went to library to start paper due tomorrow & took those orange addys u gave. now realizing they were ur xanax. completely fucked and going to fail, but calmly at peace with the situation.
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Randomize
