Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
Randomize
