You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
Randomize
