i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
Randomize
