remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
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