it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
Whatevss it will be funn .. Hopefully no one projectile vomits on the wall again.. Its kinda become a tradition though
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
Randomize
