Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
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