yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
Randomize
