I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
Randomize
