I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
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