miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
I had to cum in my sink.
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
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