I hate your face
there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
Randomize
