Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
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