last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
My legs feel like baby dolphins
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
Randomize
