im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
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