my phone needs a breathalizer
On a side note I can sing drakes “best I ever had” so good you’d think I was on degrassi.
You have to stop making references to your extense knowledge of 13 year old girl television programming for me to believe you aren’t homo. The Bravo line-up was one thing, but seriously
Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
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