Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
So...AT&T finally added picture messaging for iPhone...bring on the tits!!!
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
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