Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
Randomize
