I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
GO HOME AND LIKE EVERYTHING ON COLT'S FACEBOOK UNTIL 2007.
Wtf it's a Friday night?
PRIORITIZE.
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
Randomize
