hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
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