I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
Randomize
