ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
Randomize
