I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
Randomize
