I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
My girlfriend figured out who you are.
Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
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