paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
The beers last night were like the tears from god
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
Randomize
