I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
Randomize
