I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
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