I woke up to her vacumming the grass
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
Randomize
