i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
Randomize
