That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
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