quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
no, he's only a walking dick if he mans up. right about now he's just a walking transgender.
Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
i will never coherently bang her
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
Randomize
