his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
Randomize
