I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
we have officially mastered the walk of shame
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
Randomize
