Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
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