Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
Randomize
