i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
This baby is an asshole
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
Never underestimate the power of titties
Randomize
