just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
Randomize
