that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
Quick question: how do I take a nice picture of my ass? I'm asking you because I figure with an ass like yours you're probably experienced.
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
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