i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
Randomize
