I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
My boob is missing a layer of skin
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
we went book shopping, so yes this relationship is going to be about more than sex
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize
