I think scott just propositioned me for sex
I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
Randomize
