Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
Randomize
