Having a random hookup so left but love u
I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
Randomize
