if you like me you must not know who I am
My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
so we had a 20 minute conversation and created the fb page WWND (what would Nana do?) last night after we took our Ambien...that is my definition of an overachiever
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
Randomize
