It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
Randomize
