You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
I tried watching the view, i got through 8 minutes. That is probably a world record.
They always sound like a bunch of chickens.
last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
Randomize
