good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
Randomize
