So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
Randomize
