Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
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