You don't have asthma, your pregnant
Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
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