Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
Randomize
