Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
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