what day is it and did you see me today?
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
The air taste purple.
Randomize
