Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize
