so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
Don't use my boy Weezy to support your whoreish tendencies.
Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
Randomize
