I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
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