I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
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