I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
Randomize
