do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
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You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
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